Finding My Joy

I'm thrilled to be pregnant, and I'm thrilled to be in Utah with family and to have so much help.  I'm even making new friends.  But I would be lying if I told you that the last several weeks haven't been hard, and last Saturday, well, last Saturday was the hardest.

Notice those two little letters under my name, the ones that say "ER"?  I spent the morning in the Emergency Room getting IV re-hydration, medication to temporarily stop my vomiting, and generally feeling sorry for myself.  By the time I got there I had been sick every 20 minutes for six hours.  I was discouraged and scared.  I prayed for relief.

After just a few hours the baby and I were fine and I was able to go home, but I still felt awful and spent several days not wanting to eat and asking "Why me?"  I asked not because this was an isolated incident, but because this is how I've spent nine months for the last three pregnancies.  I asked because I wanted my Heavenly Father to make things easier for me this time because I have three children and my husband's gone.  I asked because I want to understand His plan and find joy in it.
On Wednesday morning I found my joy.  For the first time I was able to hear my little baby's heartbeat.  I had an ultrasound four weeks earlier (pictured above) and I even had one in the ER, and each time I felt such relief and happiness.  But Wednesday morning when I heard that little heart beat 160 beats per minute I was overwhelmed with tears of joy, I was overwhelmed by my Heavenly Father's answer.  That little heart is one He is blessing my husband and I to train and lead back to Him.  That little heart is pure and coming to me directly from the Father of us all.

Why me?  Because our Father knows that the sorrow and affliction will help me to cherish that little heart for the rest of my life.  I've found joy in this moment, and now I can ask, "Why not me?"   

Anonymous –   – (August 5, 2012 at 9:26 PM)  

Many long distance (((Hugs))). I pray that you are feeling much better. It's so good to see a post from you!

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